The definition of Vajazzling in the Urban Dictionary is:
To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover with crystals so as to enhance their appearance.
Now, I want you to think long and hard about this topic because it’s serious. And I’d like you to also try and keep a straight face while you look at this guy’s vajazzled head.
There are a variety of things that worry me about this trend, so I’m just going to reel/peel them off in no particular order. Sorry, couldn’t resist the ‘peeling’ reference while talking about stick-on jewellery.
1. Why? Just why.
2. What are the risks of swallowing loose vajazzle?
3. Why are we putting a blinging picture frame around one of our least attractive body parts? It’s like putting a ring of swarovski crystals around my nose and expecting it to turn someone on.
4. If any kind of friction occurs during skin to skin contact with another human being, will the vajazzling cause injury? Is it the jewellery equivalent of carpet burn?
5. Does vajazzling ever go wrong, and can one over-vajazzle?
In regards to whether it can go wrong, yes it can. Especially when one applies their vajazzle to the wrong end of the body… like their head.
The line of crossing from classy to tacky with vajazzling is also quite blurry… wait, is there actually classy vejazzling?
There is also the tendency to get all Saturday Night Fever when vajazzling. Please tell me how much satisfaction you’ll get from this other than being a live cat toy as you project a light show across your wall. And when it comes to sexy time, how long does it take to peel off your glitter armour?
Then there is this: 'LICK HERE'
Has our faith in our sexual partners decreased to the point that we must now literally point them in the right direction?!
Do we live in a world without light and now need a glowing glitter sign to show the way to our bits?!
NO. NO I TELL YOU.
Call me old school, but when it comes down to getting jiggy, forget the bling. Choking on vajazzle is not sexy…and neither is vajazzle burn.
By all means, groom away… even create a landing strip for your partner to zoom in on, but don’t go all Gaga on us.
I’d like to leave you with the effects of a Vajazzle Virus.
Thank-you and goodnight.