I don’t understand what I just read, and if anyone can clarify it for me please I’d be very appreciative.
I know it involved marriage, abstaining from sex, eating raw potatoes and spraying oneself with misted water.
WTF was that?!
For starters, who abstains from the sexy time after marriage? I know some people save themselves for marriage, warranted, but what happens if you get an actual potato in the sack?
And saving yourself after marriage? What for? You have your license to go sexy time crazy! Stopping is like getting your pen license at school and then deciding to use a grey lead for the rest of your life, always missing out on the fun of the clicky pen with the 4 colours.
Perhaps it’s that whole ‘purity’ argument, but sweet baby Jesus, I’m pretty sure God wants us to have a good time while we’re here. And when did the bible ever state that sexy time was off limits?!
Clearly John and Darla are up for it, because ‘sometimes’ after dinner they kiss and get ‘bedroom thoughts’, but then they quickly extinguish those thoughts with raw potatoes and a quick spray to the face.
I kind of feel sorry for John though having to eat the potato while Darla gets to lightly ‘mist’ her face with water in order to cool off those raging hormones of hers. Really, what’s water and a potato going to do when your loins are longing for a hot hunk or hunkette of burning love!
And what are you going to do Darla when one day, John gets sick of eating potatoes. There’s only so much starch a man can have before he caves and wants sweet potato.
I’m just not sure what the point of all this is. They talk about this 2 years making them ‘doubly holy’, but what does that get you?
Maybe God should gamify the program so at least you get something other than potatoes and mist. Perhaps a new BBQ, or a scooter for Darla to zip around on if you last a really long time.
One more thing, John: Try and escape the ‘Friend Zone’ after 2 years of just being her ‘Boyfriend Pillow’. Pretty sure there’s going to be no forking in your bedroom, just hardcore spooning.
In closing, I would like to state that I am not anti-religion, I am pro-pleasure and believe the world would be a far happier place if more people were having orgasms.