I'm Courtney Beck. I'm gay, but no-one ever picks it...which makes it hard to meet girls. So, in May 2011, I decided to start a blog and advertise myself as a potential date. Four months in, I met a drop-dead gorgeous Italian, and the rest is history. Now I just write about dating. If you'd like to say hi, shoot an email to: reasonstodatecourtneybeck@hotmail.com

Makin’ Nookie

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My name is Courtney Beck, and I have the intention to create more nookie in my relationship. My fiancé Jules is along for the ride (pardon the pun, or not). This is our story.

Carving out time in your day for nookie is tough, and sometimes you need a little help from your friends, namely a sex therapist and a pleasure brand to help you get your life in the sack back on track.

Enter Jacqueline Hellyer, Australia’s foremost expert on sex and relationships, and Durex.

The program? 30 Nights Of Nookie.

The guinea pigs: A number of awesome Aussies couples, and Jules and I.

The aim: To increase the intimacy in relationships.

Jules and I have been together for close to 3 years, we’re engaged and we have a human child and a fur child.

I’m going to be honest. We signed up to this program because we both struggle massively with time. In between juggling a 9 year old (Little Miss) and a dog (a.k.a ‘the 40 year old virgin’ who’s favourite pastime is shagging his Dalmatian print cushion), throw in both of our jobs and there’s pretty much only time left for sleeping. And if I can be really honest, I’d like more of that too. 

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We are willingly taking part in this program because we understand that to have a happy home, we need take time out for us. We have loads of fun together and we have a beautifully intimate relationship, but sometimes completely unsexy things like bin night, cooking, washing up, phone calls, Facebook and the fur child’s rancid farting get in the way. 

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There’s nothing quite like bin night and farting to get you in the mood for love.

It was a very unsexy night like this when we started the 30 Nights Of Nookie program. It began with the best of intentions, us basically doing household chores at the speed of light; it was a bit like a domestic version of Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom. We ran a lot and instead of a giant stone ball chasing us through a tunnel it was our responsibilities. 

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Despite the overwhelming amount of tasks ahead and a looming deadline of 9:30pm (including packing for a work trip to Melbourne), as Phil Collins would say ‘Against all odds’, we were going to make time for our first night of Nookie.

What I hadn’t anticipated was after managing to get both our children off to bed, was that earlier in the day Jules had purchased a strange looking world time torch alarm clock (it was the Swiss Army Knife of alarm clocks), which she was determined to set up that night. 

How she managed to set the time to the year 2098, I’m not entirely sure, but it was at this moment I realised that the nookie might be more elusive than I’d originally thought. When she needed to literally wind back time to 2014, I also had not anticipated the 84 high pitch beeps that would wake both our children from their meditative slumber. The 40-year-old fur virgin then excitedly busted out of the bedroom and began to run around the house and our 9 year old was loudly questioning if the microwave had exploded.

This is me. 

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Rule 1 of attempting ‘you time’: No-one needs the Swiss Army version of an alarm clock; I don’t care who you are. Love you Jules!

It wasn’t over though. You see once we get into the bedroom, we need a way to keep the dog in and the child out. It’s a high tech device we call ‘Door Mouse’. Essentially, it’s a black doorstop that looks like a mouse. Door mouse ensures that we are able to have sexy time without worrying that we might scar our child forever if she walks in.

What does one do though when it’s the first night of the 30 Nights Of Nookie program and Door Mouse has gone missing? You jam a thick wad of paper under the door. Thank you Jules, very resourceful.

And then just when you think it’s over, and all is well with the world, there is the sound of small feet descending from The Tower (the bunk bed).

Nothing kills passion like the sound of small feet.

After the fear had passed, we unfroze ourselves and started to breathe again, the night was ours, and damn it was worth it.

Ladies and gents, we NEED these 30 nights, for our own sanity. Don’t even get me started on the health benefits of regular orgasms. We deserve this and so does our relationship. 

Whether you have babies, older children, fur children or no children, we all have obstacles in our way stopping us from spending quality time with our partners. Use the 30 Nights Of Nookie as an excuse and a platform to make a change in your relationship that can last beyond this month.

Some nights it will be a comedy of errors to no end, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t continue to chase this time like Indiana would chase a precious antiquity. 

*This post has been sponsored by Durex, and I wholeheartedly endorse this program in every single way. 

30 Nights Of Nookie

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Do you remember the first time you made love to your partner? If you were drunk, do you remember the 5th time? The first time you were completely sober and it was electric.

Can you remember the parts of their body that you loved? The nook you wanted to be in forever? The way their skin felt against yours? The feeling that there is no other place on earth that you’d rather be?

Remember when you used to watch them sleep at night, and perhaps even take photos of them? Yes, it was a little creepy, but at that stage it could also be deemed ‘cute’.

Do you remember when you went from wanting them constantly, to wanting them maybe once a week and only if you weren’t tired?

Do you remember when the dynamics of your sexual relationship changed and when Facebook started to come first over jumping in to bed together?

Did you ever think that Mark Zuckerberg would steal your sex life from right out from underneath you?! 

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Back in those early days (before Mark stole your libido), there was a 1,000 things you’d move mountains for to be naked with this person. Now, there’s a 1,000 things in the way of taking off your pj’s.

 So, what changed? Well, you got busy. We all do. And we got into a routine, and life continued to get busy. If you have kids, your life is about them. Your relationship takes the back seat, and then there’s about an hour left at the end of the night before you literally cannot keep your eyes open. 

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Whatever happened to being Mr or Mrs Boombastic in the bedroom?! When did Shaggy become Sleepy?

Who stole your mojo, Austin? 

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If I may, I’d like to share with you one of the greatest pieces of advice I have ever been given (particularly if you have kids). To have a happy family, your relationship needs to come first. Why? Because if your relationship breaks down, so does the family. You and your partner need to be solid, and that takes energy.

So, if your relationship has taken the back seat, and Mark is in the front seat along with a few midgets, a fur child, your job and a myriad of other things, STOP.

Carve out some pockets of time that are just for you guys, and if you need to go as far as scheduling it in your diary, do whatever it takes (even if it’s so not sexy).

Or if you’re up for a challenge, sign up for 30 Nights Of Nookie.

Durex and Australia’s leading Sex Coach and Sex Therapist, Jacqueline Hellyer have been kind enough to create a nookie training program that is guaranteed to stoke the fires of your sexual souls. 

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It’s not just about sex though; it’s about boosting the intimacy in your relationship. It’s about dating, doing stuff for each other, being thoughtful, massaging each other with strawberry scented massage oil, lighting candles, getting back to what you had before Mark rudely interrupted your bedtime routine.

 Here’s what’s on offer: 

- Complete access to the 30 Nights Of Nookie program designed by Jacqueline Hellyer

- A weekly Nookie email packed with tools, lessons and exercises to make each night an amazing experience 

- Inspring articles from Men’s and Women’s Health to accompany you on your Nookie journey 

Can I get a HELLYER?!

Don’t waste any time. Jump on board the love train with Jules and I as we throw ourselves to the Nookie for 30 days!

What have you got to lose? Orgasms. Enough said. Click here to sign up.  

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Disclaimer: This post has been sponsored by Durex. :)

Facebook Pokes: Still Creepy

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Apparently poking is making a comeback. This is a community service update to let everyone know that it’s still creepy. Nothing has changed. You only have to see where it sits in the messaging menu to know that it’s still a social faux pas. 

It’s right there next to Reporting and Blocking, which are practically the social version of reporting your creepy ex boyfriend/girlfriend or stalker to the police. 

In the interest of doing a good deed for the day, here’s 5 good reasons why you should never poke anybody: 

1. According to the Urban Dictionary it can mean you are requesting ‘sexual intercourse’. So unless you’re legitimately hitting on someone, don’t do it. Because the poke has no agreed upon meaning in society, it’s safer to pursue traditional means and avoid ambiguity. 

2. It could be a marriage proposal in some countries. I’m not even joking, it might be. 

3. Poke Wars don’t exist, so don’t engage in one. It’s just reciprocated ongoing sexual tension at a high frequency. It’s sexual ping pong. Take that shit into the real world people. If you’ve been actively participating in ‘Poke Wars’ without understanding what you’ve been engaging in, I’m sorry.  

4. No matter how you play it, if you’re attempting to flirt using a Poke, it’s going to be as naff as this Facebook pick up line. Really, really naff. 

5. Poking people gives you instant stalker status. Walking up to someone in the street and poking them is not a natural behaviour, and it’s not natural on Facebook either. A Poke will never be a Like, a Comment or a Share. To the receiver of the Poke, it will always invoke thoughts of someone sitting in a dark room watching. Waiting. 

If this post hasn’t talked you out of Poking, then I don’t know what will. The fact that culturally no-one can agree on what it means, should be enough reason alone to make you pull your Poking finger away from the keyboard. 

Facebook Poking is as unnatural and awkward as this meat product. 

I want you to think about SPAM the next time you go to engage in a quick Poke, because remember, no-one likes an unexpected meat surprise. No-one. 

Goodnight. 

Reasons to date a unicorn

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In May 2011, I had a crazy idea to start a blog and advertise myself as a date in the hope that the Internet would help me find the girl of my dreams. In September 2011, I found her, and in February this year we got engaged.

Single ladies, tonight I come to you with a grand opportunity to secure a date with one of the great lesbian unicorns of the Internet. 

Because we’re not revealing any names, we’re going to call her ‘The beautiful rainbow lesbian unicorn from Sydney’. 

I’m just going to come right out and say it: She is a freaking catch, and she is looking for her forever lady. 

Here’s the theory: Out there in the world is the lady that will set our lady friend’s heart alight, but I need your help to find her.

I’m going to give you a rundown on everything you need to know about our mystery woman, and I’d love you to share this post with the world please. Think of it as a message in a bottle thrown into the sea of love. 

On to the question at hand, who is she?

Well, I’d love to share a photo of her but that would be cheating, so you’re going to have to trust me that she is a 100% stone cold fox. Enough said. 

To cover off the basics, our super hot date is 30, is 170cm tall, blonde, blue eyed, slim, looks after herself and likes to keep active. She is also a lipstick lesbian.

Our unicorn lives by the beach, loves the ocean (now I’m wondering if I should have positioned her as a mermaid) and is originally from the great city of Melbourne. She loves her job, but her family and friends come in at number 1, she enjoys travelling, has a penchant for indie and folk music and doesn’t mind watching a bit of sport as well.

She is a massive foodie, loves fashion, animals and is a self-confessed romantic. 

From spending a bit of time with this lovely lady, we (meaning the Italian and I) can vouch that she is lovely, funny, smart and I have absolutely no idea why such a babe is still single. Perhaps it’s because you wouldn’t pick her as being a lesbian, she’s like hidden treasure. 

She does believe in true love, so let’s help her find it. So, who is she looking for?

A woman! A 100% femmebot, minus the machine gun boobs of course. Let is be said that she appreciates the more feminine women of our kind. To be blunt, she is a lipstick lesbian looking for a fellow lipstick lesbian. A down-to-earth, easy going, intelligent, funny girl next-door type would be ideal.

If she’s passionate about her career, amazing!  She must be best friend material, be an animal lover, appreciate family and be honest and committed. If she’s into fitness and looking after herself, that would go in her favour. You don’t need to be a health nut though.

Smokers or hippies with shady pasts who have trouble with commitment need not apply. Thanks in advance. 

If she was also easy on the eyes, that would be a good thing. 

So, what do you think? Do you know Mrs. Right for our beautiful rainbow lesbian unicorn? If you know her, please do pass this on. If you think she’s in your network, please share this to your social pages.

If you would love the chance to go on a date with a beautiful unicorn, please send an email to reasonstodatecourtneybeck@hotmail.com (or direct message me) with a recent photo of you and why you think you and her would hit it off on a date.

Simples.  

Say No To WANG!

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Folks. There’s a movement coming, and it’s a hairy one. It’s called WANG, and it’s the Women Against Non-Essential Grooming. 

What does this mean? Well, WANG is all about having hair where hair has been banished for a long time. 

As a woman and lover of the ladies, this trend disturbs me.

Why is the hair we banished coming back?!

A few months ago I read about the resurgence of the 70’s porno bush. No people, no. We left porno bush in the 70’s for a reason, because with bush that big how on earth are you supposed to find a woman’s clitoris and not snort pubes in the process? 

As for hairy legs, well Jesus, this is another giant no. Obviously I do not speak for the whole population, but one of the things I personally love about being with a woman is how soft and generally hairless women are. I like to run my hands along the Italian’s legs and feel smoothness. To me that is beautiful. I don’t have any interest in threading my fingers through a mass of dark locks, and I don’t imagine a hell of a lot of other people do either. If I wanted to do that, I’d date a dude. 

I understand that some women don’t want to ‘conform to current beauty standards’, but ladies, isn’t this one step too far?! Surely this makes dating even harder, unless your flame is into a bit of extra warmth at night? 

A few questions for the WANG members: How do you handle dates? Do you flick the lights when sexy time occurs and pretend you’re wearing furry stockings? Or do you just own it and unveil your hairy pins? 

If I was single and took a girl home to find that she had cultivated an extensive hanging hair garden on her legs, that would certainly be enough to dampen the mood and make me pull the pin. Call me shallow, traditional, whatever, but I am one woman who upholds the ‘current beauty standards’ as correct, especially when it comes to grooming. 

After doing a bit of a survey around the office and with friends, I’m not the only one either. Hairy legs, pits and punanis should remain in the past where they belong. 

Not even glitter is bringing this trend back.

As you can tell, I feel pretty strongly about this, to the point that I’ve thought about starting CANG (Courtney Against Non Groomers), followed by LANG (Lesbians Against Non Groomers) and MANG (Men Against Non Groomers). 

In closing, ladies we have a duty to look after ourselves, our love lives and our partners. We also have a duty to shave in winter. No-one wants to do the old leg slide and rub up against furry stockings. Hair was for prehistoric times when we were cold and living outside. 

So ladies, time to step up and choose your weapon: Wax, laser or razor? 

Are you making time for this?

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You know how people always say ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’. Well, that’s nice and all, but how about 'An orgasm a day makes you healthier, better looking and more successful'?

Clearly, my slogan needs some work, but the results are definitely there for incorporating more ‘you time’ into your busy schedule.

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For starters, studies have shown that 3 orgasms a week in a stress free relationship can make you look up to 10 years younger. Daily orgasms are actually cheaper than buying Anti-Ageing cream. 

Did you know that by increasing the frequency of your orgasms that your body boosts your infection fighting cells by up to 20%?! Get out of town. That means that by having more fun in the bedroom, bathroom, shower, that you can orgasmically kick the flu season’s butt. Who needs garlic tablets when you can get off?! Am I right, or am I right?

I’m so right. 

But wait, there’s more! Making your body rock also increases levels of the hormone oxytocin in your body, which is linked to passion, intuition and social skills. Oxytocin is the hormone of bonding and success. Bet you didn’t realise that making time for a daily orgasm could make you more successful too. 

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Now, it’s all very well for me to say ‘Hey, go out there and have more orgasms.’, but I know it’s not as easy as that. We lack time, sometimes another set of hands, and you know… it’s just not as much fun giving ourselves an orgasm as it is someone else doing it for us. 

Here’s my recommendation: You need The Magic Finger. 

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It’s not actually called ‘The Magic Finger’, its given name is the ‘Tango 2’, and it’s made by my friends at We-Vibe. I guess you could say that one of the benefits to being a dating blogger is that sometimes The Italian and I get sent toys to try out and review. It’s an awful job really. #FirstWorldDatingBloggerProblems

After testing the Tango 2, hands down, I can say this is my favourite vibrator of all time. I cannot believe that something so small can bring so much relaxation and stress relief. There is no work involved either, you literally just switch it on and your life is instantly better. Better looking, healthier, nicer… This vibrator could make you Queen of the world. 

There are 3 particular product features that I like about the Tango 2:

1. It’s waterproof, which means you can take it into the shower. Who doesn’t love standing in the shower, solving life’s problems and orgasming at the same time?! Jesus, that should be a national pastime. We’d have so many more successful, happy people in the world. 

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2. It’s got laser point accuracy. Not everyone wants to wield a giant stick with a rabbit on the end with pearls loudly spinning around the exterior. The Tango 2’s tapered tip zeroes in on your clitoris like a freaking laser beam. BOOM! Instant orgasm, no mess, no fuss, no heavy machinery license required. If you got your pen license back in primary school, you can drive the Tango 2. 

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3. It’s literally the size of your finger, which means it stashes away quickly and easily in your drawer. It’s bloody quiet too, so if you live with people and you don’t want them to hear a jet engine in your room every night at 10:30pm, then the Tango 2 is for you.  

Basically, for an investment of about $90 and 3 minutes a day, you could be an absolute boss… at life. 

Who wouldn’t trade 3 minutes and $90 for that?!

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If it’s time for you to be The Boss (at life), click here to order your Tango 2. Trust, me you won’t regret it… it’s a 10.  

If you’d like to WIN a Tango (and you’re an Australian resident), you can send me a direct message or email me at reasonstodatecourtneybeck@hotmail.com and tell me one thing: 

If you won a Tango, what would its code name be? For example, if you were Dr Evil, you might call it your ‘Laser’. Go! 

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Hickeys Happen

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Today I was forced to Google something I’ve never had to before. 

"How to get rid of a hickey". 

Unfortunately I accidentally left a reminder of this morning’s passion on Jules’s neck, right before a family event. Yep, nice one Court. That’s one way to make an impression on people you’ve only met once before. 

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Firstly, I must assure you that this was not your stock standard hickey, circular in shape, high school style. This was a small smattering of tiny red dots. What can I say?! I’m a classy lady that was overcome by passion. 

For your reference in case you’ve blurred this from your mind, this is a high school hickey:

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This is what it looks like when a giant gives you hickeys:

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What I gave Jules was a a bit like Kanye’s hickey on Kim K, even less than that. 

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You see, even at 32, hickeys still happen. It’s just that we as adults have stopped talking about it. Today, I am here to remind you that any type of passionate neck kissing can cause a hickey, it’s just that because we’re older and wiser we’ve become better at two things:

1. We don’t suck like vacuum cleaners anymore. While I’m on this, this analogy reminds me of a girl I went to primary school with who wanted a hickey so badly that she utilised the sucking end of the vacuum cleaner to give her a perfectly sphered love bite. Some people strive for perfection in everything they do. 

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2. We’ve become better at covering them up. Stage make-up, scarves, whatever it takes. 

Alternatively, if you’re going to an event and feeling a little sleepy, an Animal Neck Pillow would serve you well. If you want to feel vaguely sexy, you could probably go with a cheetah or something. You know, a sexy animal. 

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So you’re probably interested as to what my Google results revealed. There seems to be 2 main methods of getting rid of a hickey:

The Cold Method 

  • Wrap ice in a paper towel and place it on your hickey. Press firmly and slowly move the ice around the surface of the hickey and the areas just around it. Try to leave the ice on for twenty minutes and then remove it for twenty minutes. Repeat as much as possible for the first day.

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The Hot Method

Use this method to get rid of a hickey that has stuck around for at least 48 hours. Once, the burst blood vessels have healed, what is left is the blood that has collected under your skin. That blood will slowly disperse and be reabsorbed into your body. Heating up the area of the hickey will increase blood flow to the region, quickening the reabsorption of blood and helping to remove the hickey.

  • Place a hot water bottle or warm compress on the area of the hickey for 10-20 minutes.
  • If you don’t have a hot water bottle or warm compress, you can heat water, soak a towel in the hot water, and use that instead – just make sure it’s not too hot!
  • Warning! Do not use the hot method within 48 hours of receiving the hickey. The burst capillaries may not have healed completely, and increasing blood flow to the area could make your hickey bigger!

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Which one did I choose to try and repair the damage? I ran into the bathroom and gave Jules an ice pack wrapped in tissues. She has since resorted to stage-makeup, which she thinks makes her look like she hasn’t washed in a week. Which is the lesser evil though? A dirty neck I think. 

What’s the moral of this story? 

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, hickeys happen. It does not make you any less classy… Well, I’m definitely classier than this lady. 

Wish me luck at the family dinner. 

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Video

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On the 1st of February, 2014, I proposed to my girlfriend Jules, on a rooftop with musician Jordan Millar and 30 of our good friends to back me up. Jules is the girl I met and fell in love with 2 years ago via my blog, Reasons to date Courtney Beck. This is my proposal. 

If you’d like the full story, click here

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She said yes! A story that began in 2011…

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In the shower this morning, I was thinking about how to tell the story of the last 3 years of my life, and how I got to here. And then it came to me in the voices of George Michael and Aretha Franklin, and the words ‘I knew you were waiting for me’. 

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My whole life, I always knew that I’d meet ‘the one’. That one person who was meant just for me. Call it being born to romantic parents, or perhaps I ended up with just really loving genes, but I knew in my heart that I was destined to find a great romance. What I didn’t expect was to get to my 29th birthday, and not have found them yet. Most of my friends were getting engaged, married, having babies, and I was still looking. 

My other problem was that unfortunately no-one could tell I was a lesbian, which makes it pretty hard to meet a girl. Especially when you’re into other feminine looking women. There’s nothing quite like making eyes at a girl in a bar only to find out that she’s actually straight. 

It was a problem, but one I was confident I could solve. Being from a marketing and advertising background, surely there was a way I could use my persuasive selling powers for the good of my own love life? 

It was in May 2011, after drinks and dinner with some ad land friends that we came up with the idea of advertising myself via a blog.

It was to be called ‘Reasons to date Courtney Beck’, and would revolve around me listing a different reason every day why a girl might want to consider dating me. If girls, or should I say women, were interested they could submit a photo of themselves and the reason we’d hit it off on a date. 

Within weeks my crazy idea had been picked up by the media. Why you ask? Well, I honestly think that we’re all looking for love. And who doesn’t love an underdog?!  

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Due to the blog’s media exposure I went from effectively not dating anybody to receiving about 15 date requests a week. It was like the dating heavens had opened up on me! I even had a couple of marriage proposals, the most memorable one from someone wearing a ski mask. 

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One thing I did commit to at the start of the blog was to document all of my dates and to be very honest about the journey. This included being rejected, a few times. Let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like public rejection. If I may give you a metaphor, it’s a bit like standing in front of the whole Colosseum and asking somebody to love you, and them saying no.

I remained positive. 

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About 4 months in to writing my blog, I received an email from a woman in Sydney. It was beautifully written, funny and articulate. There was no photo, but I knew just from her words that I needed to reply instantly. She did express that she had no interest in dating me as she’d recently come out of a relationship, but wanted to congratulate me on my ballsy efforts and if I was ever in Sydney she’d love to catch up. 

The first time we met, I’d come to Sydney for the weekend to spend time with the girl that I was chasing. I had a couple of spare hours on the Saturday morning, so she suggested we check out the Lego exhibition on at the Sydney Aquarium (I’m very in touch with my inner child). Little did I know those 2 hours spent at the Aquarium would form a spark that I could not let go of.

I went home contemplating a bigger question: ‘If I was going to marry any of the girls I’d met so far, who would it be?’.

The Italian, as I fondly referred to her as in my blog, was everything I wanted and more. She had every quality I was looking for. She was beautiful inside and out. Funny, nerdy, liked talking in strange accents and so many other things that I grew to fall in love with. I loved her heart and her mind. 

After more than 2 amazing years together, on the 1st of February I asked my beautiful Italian to marry me. I’ve never been more sure of anyone or anything in my entire life, she was the one that I had been searching for. 

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The proposal was to be at her 30th birthday.

As a member of the advertising world, this wasn’t just going to be any proposal. It was going to be epic, and required a team of awesomeness to pull this proposal off. The proposal, would affectionately become known as ‘Project Sparkle’. 

Project Sparkle consisted of 30 of The Italian’s closest friends, a rooftop overlooking Sydney city and Jordan Millar (a ridiculously talented Sydney musician). 

To cut a long story short, Jordan played an amazing live set and finished up with a version of our song, ‘You to me are everything' by The Real Thing.

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I got up to do my speech, which went a little something like this:

Jules - Happy birthday my love! Over 2 years ago, I asked you to be my girlfriend via text. It wasn’t the greatest move I ever made, and you told me if I ever asked you to marry me via text we’d have a big problem. So I’m not going to do that, but I am going to do this…” I got down on knee and produced a ring and asked ‘Will you marry me?’. 

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She said yes, and you can watch the video here:

Out of the many incredible moments in my life thus far, that moment will go down as one of the greatest. 

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For me, this has been a story of dreams coming true, and ballsy ideas that pay off. 

I do so strongly believe that there is someone on this planet for everyone, it’s just that sometimes to find them you’ve got to go on an epic journey, be proposed to by women in ski masks, get your heart publicly trodden on, fear that you’ll end up a cat lady… and just when you’re about to give up, there he or she will be. Waiting for you, just like the song. 

If you loved Jordan’s voice, you can check out his music here

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I’d also like to thank the Project Sparkle team, to which the proposal would have probably been a bit shonky or happened via text if they weren’t there…

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Until next time friends… 

Hook Up Apps: Friend or Foe?

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Recently I was interviewed by a journalist from The Daily Beast on the status of hook up apps. 

The article was called ‘Hook Up Apps Have Gone Too Far’.

I don’t agree. 

Today I’m going to make a stand up for hook up apps, seeing as they can’t stand up for themselves. 

This rant is about freedom. Our freedom to decide. 

We live on a beautiful planet that has over 7 billion people living on it. We are all looking for love. 

There was a time when meeting and marrying someone from your hometown was how love and marriage was done. There was a time beyond that when we understood that if there was not someone in your hometown you could fall in love with, that you may need to look to your closest city. 

Then came the internet. A piece of technology that allowed the world to be on our doorstep, and a new relationship door was opened. 

We went from local to global potential. For the first time we wondered if the person we were destined to spend our life with did not live within a 50km radius, but on a different continent altogether?

No longer were we confined to accepting an ok relationship with someone in our locality, we could date whoever or wherever the hell we wanted. 

Admittedly, it wasn’t all roses for online dating. There was a time when it was bathed in taboo. People didn’t speak about the fact they had met someone ‘online’. A lot of it was unknown, mistrusted, and let’s be honest, it had a lot of bad press.

My first lesbian relationship was actually with a girl who lived interstate. At the time I was horrified to admit that I’d met her in a chat forum when I was investigating my own sexuality. That was 2002, and previously I’d dated footy players. The internet allowed me to meet the person that would encourage me to come out and be who I really was. 

The internet changed my life. 

Fast forward to now and just about everyone has dabbled in online dating. ‘I met him/her online' is a common phrase. Some of us spend more time on the internet than we do with our partners and friends.

We’re also working harder than ever, we want more than ever, and we want it on a silver platter. It is what it is.

What hasn’t changed is that we all need love, intimacy, sex, and surely we’re all old enough and ugly enough to talk about it.

The internet, hook up apps and dating sites have become the sexual glue that are the means to making our sexual destinies happen in this busy world. 

But first, let it be known and shouted from the rooftops that we’re all into different things.

Some people want a monogamous relationship, some people don’t. Some want affairs, some don’t. Some people want to go to dungeons and be whacked with a paddle board, some people just want to be hugged. You know what? It’s ok. We’re all different. 

What the internet and hook up apps have given us is a higher chance of finding people with the same tastes and thoughts about love and sex that we have. What we have never had before is a platform that confronts us with so many potentially taboo topics on a daily basis, and that makes some of us uncomfortable. 

For this, I have a quick and easy solution: If you don’t like it…

Some folks enjoy threesomes and are probably thanking their lucky stars that ‘3nder' was invented.

Some people could benefit from an app like ‘Lick This' to help facilitate them giving better oral sex to their partner. 

For years people have joked about joining the ‘Mile High Club’, there’s an app for that now. It’s called ‘Wingman’.

The internet and its millions of apps are making it possible for all of our wildest fantasies to come true, and to tell you the truth, thank god! How long do we want to keep our sexual selves hidden?

Why do we look down upon the person who just wants to hook up and not jump into a long term relationship? Why do we insist on forcing our own ideals on other people?

Our lives would be far happier if we were hooking up/dating/marrying people that actually made us happy, versus selecting a partner and a lifestyle that makes society happy.

Divorce rates would be lower if we were all more realistic about what we want and what we deserve. 

I’m not saying that hook up apps are going to solve the world’s divorce or happiness problems, I’m saying we’ve got room to improve and that starts with getting more in touch with what WE want and being comfortable with taking the reigns on how that happens. 

By all means catch the eye of that spunk at the local pub, but don’t be afraid to ponder that the one who could make you truly happy may not be who or where you expect.  

The Daily Beast article described me as a ‘Sex App Enthusiast’. I don’t think I’m that. I’m just a realist that happily embraced technology in order to find love and happiness.

In the search for the one or one’s that we want to spend our lives with, why leave it to chance? Get out there and use today’s technology to go forth and conquer your sexual destiny. It is your right. 

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Reasons to date Courtney Beck by Courtney Beck is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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